Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
