Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
