Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got inside last night via doggy door
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
