Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
