with your own penis?
Sry I called you an 8
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
