dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
