So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
