Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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