wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
