He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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