Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
