How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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