The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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