is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
