Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
