Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
