U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
