dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
