it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
