Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
