never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ttyl tear gas
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
