There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
