Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
