There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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