We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
