I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
