So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
