Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
