my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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