Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
