i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
