Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
