i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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