Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
