Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
