No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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