Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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