Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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