Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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