I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
