the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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