soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
