You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
