I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
