in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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