Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
