i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
