I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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