she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
