six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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