You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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