A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
