I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
